The world around you falls away and I will still be there...

You said you read me like a book, but the pages are all torn and frayed...

2005-01-07T07:00:27Z

I WANT TO GO TO THIS CONCERT:

January 12th @ Starland Ballroom --- Taking Back Sunday, My Chemical Romance and Coheed and Cambria.

yea....

Carly

It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?

2005-01-02T04:19:25Z

i miss my friends. I passed up two perfectly good oppurtunities to hang out with you guys and i wish i didnt. i just feel really shitty. happy 05

carly

interesting...

2004-09-03T23:38:12Z

I just found out that Something Corporate will be playing at Rider on the 11th.. for FREE. haha. thats so cool. I mean they arent my favorite but free concerts.. hey why not?

I'll still be trying to get your laugh out of my head...

2004-08-16T20:39:03Z

Ok... the sleepover was fun. Haven't seen those people in a short while so it was cool to all be together again. And then we all hung out the next day, well the girls did. Woohoo. Alot of funny stuff happened especially that guy thinking we were insane for being so crazy and not drunk/high. And the me and crissy talk while everyone was playing cards.

Then Saturday night I slept over Ian's and I was soo tired I fell asleep at like 11:30. Which was kinda funny. But I got to hear him and Dave play which was pretty decent. And we talked about how AJ is going to come visit and stay there. That still amuses me. But it's actually kinda good I guess that they are friends again. Cause then AJ could come visit ALOT! woot.

Roommate drama is annoying me. I dont know what is going on now. All I know is it better be fixed soon. Or I'll be angered.

this post was pretty uninformative and such. Oh well. Carly

you can turn away like you don't even see me, you can smile like you got something I need...

2004-08-05T22:03:25Z

Ok, this is weird and confusing but lately I've been feeling really strange. Like yesterday I said to Nicole that driving has been scaring me alot lately. I don't know why, nothing has happened to me while driving. It just makes me really nervous and I don't get it.

Then, the other day with Crissy she said something to me about Ian. And since she said it, I've been thinking about it. About how true it is. But I've also been talking to him alot again. Mainly because he is on late at night like I am. But I've been thinking about what would happen if we got back together again. I can see it being a bad thing but maybe not. Maybe it would work out differently.

Then again, maybe not getting any sleep lately is driving me alittle cooky.

The other thing is, I feel like I can't talk to anyone about anything thats going on anymore. It's not that I think you guys won't listen. I don't even know WHY I feel that way. I guess it's like I said before about disappointing people and changing. I don't know.

alright, thats all. Carly

So give me all your poison and give me all your pills, And give me all your hopeless hearts...

2004-07-29T05:06:54Z

Wow, today was interesting. The beach wasnt bad but everyone was alittle...upset... that it was raining and it put us all down a bit. But we managed to have some fun and found some seaglass for myk... i found blue, it was pretty!

Then we went to myk's house and everyone but me played DDR because i think that it is the devil. Or atleast that is what i am told. But instead i took a nap. I felt kind of bad about falling asleep cause thats just boring. But the couch was so incredibly comfortable.

Then after they woke me up we went to Borders and I got the new MCR cd and a book called.. I <3 Bad Boys. woohoo. I'm still tired. Maybe just maybe i will fall asleep at a decent hour tonight.
*carly*

You need me like a bad habit...

2004-07-28T04:35:01Z

Tonight, tonight was a very very awesome night. Some people are just awesome. And lip rings aren't just there to look pretty... they serve a purpose. mmhmm. I just think sometimes things are too good to be true, and if thats how it feels thats usually how it winds up.

Beach tommorow with awesome people. Yay. I just don't know about getting up early. Oh well it will be all good.
*Carly*

Oh yes, driving around in a new car listening to new TBS was also greatness.

You look at how the rumors fly, attract a crowd like bugs to light...

2004-07-25T03:39:13Z

Today felt like the longest day of my life. I went to bed at like 4:30 last night and then I get a call at 6AM by a fricken DRUNK ian begging me to come pick him up and give him a ride home or he will drive home drunk and crash. So being the nice person I am I drag my ass out of bed and drive 45 minutes to go pick him up. That annoyed me. So I didnt do anything at all today. Which didnt bother me cause I didn't go back to sleep when I got home. But I talked to Scoot* all day and night practically. I don't know I really like him. We are on the same page it seems. I get to baby-sit tommorow. I'm excited to make some money finally!

Maybe I will be able to go to sleep early tonight. I hope so.
*Carly*

She's better off sleeping on the floor because she fell right off...

2004-07-23T21:20:29Z

People keep telling me that I have an accent. No I don't. I don't know I just think that it's weird. Maybe I just talk differently on the phone. Not that this is anything important I just thought that it was weird cause alot of people have been telling me that. Haha. *Carly*

Oh well, you've got me under your spell and I don't think that I'm kidding around...

2004-07-22T01:19:50Z

I just feel so relieved. I just talked to Branden and we resolved all problems. I feel better now. Plus I went to the boardwalk today. That was fun. I'm in a good mood. Woohoo.
*Carly*

I was trying so hard to fit in, until I found out, I don't belong here...

2004-07-18T07:32:04Z

It amuses me how you can give so much of yourself to one person and it will mean nothing to them. You feel like they are your shoulder to cry on and then they just dissappear. Maybe they think you are using them. Maybe they are just tired of hearing you complain.

I don't really understand what just happened in the past five minutes so maybe thats why I'm babbling about it. I feel like its my fault.

Also- for the sleep over girls... I'm not so sure if I'm going to be in on the little plan but I would be more than happy to help you out. If it's when you guys said you wanted to have it at the movies AJ wouldnt be able to come that early and there really isnt anyone else I would want to bring.

And- sorry crissy about what we did to you.

I just feel like I need closure from everything and everyone.

Carly

aj pictures... for inquiring minds

2004-07-18T06:39:38Z

haha i figured it out. Here is a sampling of AJ.

flying aj

i think this is the crissy picture

rocking out.. i think this is from halloween

and then some of ian with normal hair and not so normal hair

sort of multi-colored hair ian

blonde-ish hair ian

black hair ian

A victim, still lying in bed completely motionless...

2004-07-16T08:08:16Z

I hate my brain. I dont want to think about you anymore. Why can't I ever sleep?

I know you well enough to know you never loved me why cant i feel anything for anyone other than you

2004-07-14T19:03:48Z

Last night was fun except my hand is slightly red from crissy's hair. Everyone's hair looked awesome though so its all good. The park was fun too but it made me miss AJ and a few other select people. But that's ok. Thinking about that stuff makes me realize things that I didnt see before. Which is a big help.

And it only feels worse when I stay in one place, so I'm always pacing around or walking away...

2004-07-09T03:52:00Z

I have to tell a few people something but I'm so afraid to tell them. I think the reason that I've been wanting to tell them is because only 2 people know and one of them is Ian, who I try not to talk to and then the other is my mom. And I don't feel like I can talk to her anymore either. And this issue has been bothering me alot lately, and I just don't know what to do about it. I'm not entirely sure on who I can trust to confide in right now on this. I don't know maybe I just wont tell anyone.

new screen name

2004-07-02T07:35:45Z

my new sn is thefirststarout

just to let you know

so if you want to reach me thats the place to look.

he looks at me with those innocent eyes...

2004-07-02T04:52:35Z

Wow, I haven't written in forever. But, I'm back now! I've actually been busy.. which I never am. But I have been. And boys are awesome. Well at least for this week I will be saying that.

I'm going out with Joe now. And it's fun. I actually enjoy having a boyfriend for once. Well, it's only been like a week haha. But still, we get along really well. But he is going away for 11 days :( That is going to be horrible. But atleast he is not moving away like SOME people. lol. But yea. I saw Zoolander for the first time yesterday, it was a great movie.

Oh yea, I had orientation for college. That was fricken awesome. It is gonna be crazy next year. Every person I met was great. I have early classes but I can deal with that. My classes are great too though. I just can't wait. Plus I get to move out. There were alot of hot guys too.. haha. We had fun though.

Some people still get on my nerves. Just grow up, come on you are 18. Get over yourself, seriously.

*Carly*

'It seems like I can finally
Rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels'

There's no where left to fall when you reach the bottom...

2004-06-24T04:53:41Z

uhh.. surprise surprise, AJ left today. I don't even really remember what happened since monday. It was all just so much so fast. I don't understand. And it was so short of a time. I miss it already and Im so sad. It's not like crying is going to change anything right now anyway.

Even though I've been around him the whole time he was here I've been so lonely. Maybe it's just me but I just don't get the whole being happy feeling anymore. I guess there is just something wrong with me. I couldn't wait for summer to come, but I forgot how much school got me out of the house. I can't wait till I move out for college, I can't stand it here.

I don't know, I never knew to start with.
*carly*

And angels fall without you there, and go on as you get colder...

2004-06-19T16:37:38Z

i went to the beach yesterday, and got sunburned. But it's gone! I was all excited about that.

Last night was weird, I don't know. I think I'm in this weird position where I want something but at the same time it almost grosses me out. Like I have a good time with him, but he's older and I don't get it. I don't think that we are on the same level.

Graduation parties today, I dont really feel like going. I guess that's mean but I'm so tired. I've been up till 5 everynight, project graduation messed up my sleep schedule. Now I feel like I'm a vampire or something. Good thing that it's summer.

Oh I just came up with this line last night, I don't really have anything to use it for but I like it... "I want to fall asleep in your arms, your breath gently dancing across my face"

I have to go get ready *Carly*

Celebrate we will, for life is short but sweet for certain...

2004-06-16T03:39:00Z

Graduation is tomorrow. What the hell is that? It's so unreal. I guess after tomorrow night it will finally set in. Freedom is almost our-- what are we planning on doing with it? I am excited for project graduation, it better be fun.

Joe gave me the title for this entry. I like it. But I wish life was just a tad bit sweeter these days in all aspects. But I'm not going on that tangent today. I have energy and will be up all night. And then all night tomorrow night. And then the next night possibly. Too bad I don't have anyone to spend my energy on!

hmm.. our yearbooks are red. Why? I don't get it. That's really really dumb.

I don't know.
*Carly*

"All the pain I thought I knew
All the thoughts lead back to you
Back to what was never said
Back and forth inside my head
I can't handle this confusion
I'm unable, come and take me away"

I wanted to play!

2004-06-14T19:54:42Z

How to make a dark_wolfess

Ingredients:

5 parts competetiveness

5 parts brilliance

5 parts empathy

Method:
Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add wisdom to taste! Do not overindulge!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

This is me with the words on the tip of my tounge...

2004-06-12T05:03:50Z

Tonight was fun, I enjoy girls night out. Park hopping is my new favorite sport (of course it has to be with Crissy, Nicole and Phyllis though). I think I had the most crazy lines for the one line story (acting like bunnies and such). The possum thingy was freaky and you guys were kind of scaring me. But regardless, it was fun.

Graduation is in 5 days, 3 more of which are school days. I am terrified, honestly. My emotions have been on a rollercoaster from this, I don't like it. But soon it will be over and forgotten and summer will wash away the memories.

I have alot of useless energy at one in the morning. Oh well. *Carly*

*P.S. --it was starry too!! yay!

So what the hell am I supposed to do You only wanted the things I couldn’t give to you...

2004-06-10T18:40:25Z

...and you had it all anyway.

I have been in the strangest mood all week. I think it's finally setting in that I'm actually graduating in a week. So much has happened in these four years, so many things that I didn't plan on doing and many things that I regret doing and not doing. Everybody is being so nostalgic and it's kind of creepy, it's not like we are dying and no one is really going too far away but I guess that's just the way some people deal with it.

I'm so glad it's summer and I can go to the beach! I went yesterday cause I didn't have to take any finals but I didn't get hardly any color, grrr. Oh well, now that I actually drive I can go whenever I want.

I'm not having my graduation party until the end of July, yea. Cause there is just alot of stuff going on now with orientations and such. Oh well, works for me.

I don't know if it's the heat or stress or what but all of a sudden I will start feeling like I can't breathe. It's really freaky but I hate the doctor so I'm not going cause they will yell at me. I was supposed to go for another blood test and I told my parents I did but I kind of just kind of hid the paper.

Oh yea, thanks Crissy for telling me what you did about Ian cause it just helped me finalize my decision and stuff.

*Carly*

'Sometimes I feel I could drop off the face of the earth
It seems I do more harm than good And I don’t know if it’s worth me loosing sleep over this'

this is me before you cut open wide, so look deep inside...

2004-06-06T07:16:35Z

"I know I can't come near you
Every time I do
I get shaken inside and the sun in my eyes
So I'll stay away

I'd rather be here
Than anywhere with you"

...and I don't want to speak these words, cause I, don't want to make things anyworse...

2004-06-05T05:50:26Z

It seems like everytime I come to the same conclusion. I can't live like this. I mean I know I'm a piece of crap, an emotional piece of crap at that... but if I stay like this I won't be able to love anymore, not anyone. I can't say that I hate Ian because I dont, I just hate being hurt. I thought I could take it cause even though I don't seem it I am a pretty strong person or atleast act that way. I used to hate acting like I was happy but now it just happens naturally, I could be exploding from the inside and I would look like I was the happiest person in the world, and I could be.

Tonight was interesting, just got my mind off of Ian alot. Being around people of course helps. I met 2 new people too. Mike and Melissa. They were nice people. They made me have fun. And of course hanging out with Crissy is always fun. (FEEL BETTER CRISSY- I <3 YOU)

I wanted to look at the stars, but it was cloudy. Stupid clouds got in my way. Next time I'm outside it better be clear and extremely starry. And I got this song im my head 'the stars aren't out tonight, but neither are we to look up at them, why does hello feel like goodbye?'

AJ-- I know you understand but I still feel bad, and when it all boils down, you only lust me. The girls up there are alot better cause you dont want this shit.

I dont know, im in emotional-overdrive... looks like I'm not getting too much sleep tonight. I just think that I actually like my decision and will stick to it (if I don't someone better flip on me) Yea. *carly*

"The sadness comes when it's least expected,
it's shot out of the dark straight into our face.
The hurt it brings can't be stopped,
The hurt it brings can't be cured. "